Treatment Options

On the couch with Future Fire

[Exterior of a pleasant one story cottage, mostly well-kept, on a leafy street. A slightly odd looking man walks in.]

[Cut to interior of house. We are in a warmly lit room, looking out over a garden, with several full bookshelves, a desk, an armchair and a couch. The odd looking man walks in. On closer inspection, he looks like one of those cartoon characters that has just had a bomb explode in their face - covered with soot, hair frizzled, looking slightly dazed. He sits down on the couch. Another man walks in and sits down on the armchair beside the desk, facing him. He is in his 50s and resembles Irish actor Gabriel Byrne.]

Therapist: Future, good to see you.

Future Fire: [still dazed] Huh? Oh. Hi.

T: Are you ok? You look different.

FF: Umm, yeah I’m alright. A bit tired. A little stressed. But overall good. There’s much to be thankful for.

T: I see. Did you get a haircut?

FF: No.

T: New suit?

FF: [Shakes head]

T: Anyway, what would you like to talk about?

FF: Work, I guess.

Man talking to therapist (Source: Wikimedia Commons)

T: What’s happenin’?

FF: I dunno, too much. I’ve signed up for too many things. My eyes are bigger than my stomach. My mouth is writing cheques my brain can’t cash. I’m treating academia like a hotdog eating contest. I can’t keep track. I have 273 emails in my inbox.

T: 273 unread emails? That’s quite a lot.

FF: No, there’s only a few unread.

T: [Raises eyebrows. There is a beat.] Anyway, go on.

FF: I’m working too much. I’m not taking lunch breaks. Not exercising. Working extra unpaid hours in the evening.

T: Sorry could you talk a little more slowly please? I’m tryin’ t’ get all this down.

FF: Sorry.

T: Not at all. Carry on.

FF: Um, yeah, working late at night. Checking my email all the time. My damn inbox is always open. And yet…

T: And yet?

FF: I’m not producing anything! My publication record is terrible. I’ve only published a few papers since I started this job.

T: I see.

FF: I’ve applied for about a million grants. But I’m not producing. Where’s my research output? I don’t have any PhD students either. I feel sick.

T: Would you like some water? [T pours FF a glass]

FF. Thanks. But everyone I meet at work seems to think I know what I’m doing. Some of them tell me I’m famous, they’ve seen me in the newsletter. Someone called me golden boy.

T: I do remember you tellin’ me about that prize you won.

FF: Yeah.

T: Wasn’t there a fellowship too?

FF: Yeah.

T: You sound a bit overwhelmed.

FF: Yeah. I need a break. 6 months minimum. Maybe six years. I wouldn’t mind joining a monastery. I’m out. Out of the academic game. Can’t handle it. It’s not for me.

T: I see. [Sees light flashing on his desk phone] Sorry could I just quickly take that?

FF: Sure.

T: [Takes call] Hello. Oh, hi. I’m with a client. You’re here? Ah, well I guess I could - I could ask my - hold on. [To FF] Do you mind if my supervisor joins us? She just happened to be in the neighbourhood.

FF: [Looks from side to side, thinking] Ah, ok? Sure, why not.

T: Great. [To phone] Yes he’s fine with it. Come on in. [An older woman enters the room. She resembles Dianne Wiest. She pulls out a chair from behind the desk and drags it beside the therapist.]

Therapist 2: [warmly] Hello. I’ve heard so much about you. [T glances nervously at her] I’m sorry for interrupting. I just happened to be in the neighbourhood.

T: Let’s carry on shall we? Future, you were tellin’ me about how stressed and overwhelmed you were feelin’.

FF: Right. Yeah. Um. Screw academia. The system stinks. I can’t take it. It may be for some people, but it’s not for me.

[There is a long moment of silence]

T2: I’m sorry, can I jump in? [T hesitates then nods.]

T2: Future, if I’m not mistaken, there’s a lot you enjoy about your work. Meeting new people. Learning. Growing as a person. A little adulation from time to time, some kudos.

[FF looks doubtful]

T2: You really enjoy thinking about the big picture, the whole system. Making connections, joining the dots. You get to do that in your job, don’t you? You might even say you’re making a positive contribution to society.

FF: [Softening] Maybe a very small one…

T2: Not to mention the pay - well, let’s just say that you’re doing better than we are. [She smiles at T who does not return the smile] Then there’s the flexible working hours. You get to do drop offs.

[FF sighs loudly]

T2: There’s something about this relationship that’s troubling you, isn’t there?

FF: Well, yeah, I already said that.

T2: Sorry I wasn’t here before, could you repeat that part?

[FF looks displeased]

T: Future, how do you feel about - well, your future?

FF: [Another long sigh] Geez. I dunno. I dunno. I mean, I like the idea of sticking around. I don’t want to quit. But it’s a long road to Professor. Anyway, none of that matters. What I’d like to do is get more balance, find a way to actually want to stay here. It’s so tantalising. If I could just make a few small changes here or there it would be a dream job. It always seems like it’s within reach, but then I careen out of balance again. And the dream becomes a nightmare.

T2: [To T] Frustrated hopes and expectations. We discussed this at our last supervision session, remember?

T: I do.

[There is a knock at the door. A woman resembling Esther Perel walks in. Let’s call her Therapist 3.]

Therapist 3: There you are!

[T and T2 all look at each other, confused.]

T3: No you, Future Fire. I’ve been looking for you. May I come in?

T2: I’m sorry, where are my manners! Of course, please, sit down.

T: Well -

T2: Go on, it’s alright, there’s another chair over there.

[T3 sits down]

T3: Future, I’ve been working with someone - a client - that you know.

[FF frowns, confused]

T3. Someone that you know very well. In the biblical sense. [FF looks embarrassed] I heard enough that I had to find you and talk to you. [To the door] Come in, Ivory.

[The door opens. A humanoid Ivory Tower walks in and surveys the room. T2 elbows T in the ribs, who gets up and fetches a chair for Ivory.]

T3: Future, the love between you and Ivory rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy.

FF: Love?

T3: If you want to be an erotically intelligent couple - which Ivory tells me you both do - you need to understand that love is a vessel that contains both security and adventure.

FF: Jesus.

T3: Ivory, do you have anything to say?

IT: Future, you’ve changed. You’re no fun to be around any more. I can barely remember what you were like when we first met.

FF: [Future is silent for a moment. He then becomes animated] Well, you’ve changed! You used to be so welcoming and accepting. You were exciting. [FF stares, as if into the past] We got up to all kinds of mischief… [He smirks] But now… you’re so demanding. I give and I give and I give. And you take and you take and you take. And I can’t take any more!

T3: This is good. Tell me about your intimacy.

IT: I screw him most days but he doesn’t seem to enjoy it. [FF looks bitter]

T3: Eroticism thrives in the space between the self and the other.

T2: But you two have -

T, T2, T3: [In unison] Merged.

T: There’s no separation. Would you agree, Future?

FF: We’ve been too close, it’s true. I’m burnt out. [To Ivory] I need some space.

[IT starts crying. T offers IT a tissue.]

T3: Let me ask you about your commitment to each other. Future, are you committed to Ivory?

FF: Yes. I mean… Yeah I am, but… well, yes and no. It’s tough. It’s really tough at the moment. I’m doing my best and I don’t want to give up, but if it stays like this… Well, why wouldn’t I leave?

[IT is now sobbing]

T3: And Ivory, are you committed to Future? It’s ok, take your time.

IT: [Regaining composure] Thank you. Yes, yes I am committed. With all my heart. Until 30 June 2029.

FF: You see? You see? What kind of sick person makes commitments like that?

[The temperature of the room starts to rise noticeably.]

T3: It’s rather hot. Do you have any water?

[T pours everyone a drink of water]

T2: [To T] Could you open a window?

[T gets up and opens the window. All of a sudden the door blasts open, and an anthropomorphic ball of fire floats in, follows by a therapist that resembles Orna Guralnik. We’ll call them Fire Ball and Therapist 4. T fetches chairs for T4 and FB. T4 sits down, FB continues to float]

T4: [To the others] Have I missed anything important?

[They all pause ever so briefly and then shake their heads]

T4: Great. Future, you’re in a polyamorous relationship, is that right?

FF: Poly-what now?

FB: [Rolling its eyes] Don’t play dumb with me. This guy’s as polyamorous as it gets.

[FB gestures to the door, which opens again as a similar sized floating ball comes in, this time resembling the earth and noticeably warm. Warming, even. We’ll call it Climate Change. T pours CC a glass of water. CC drinks it in one go and asks for another. T leaves to refill the jug.]

FB: Future started with CC. [CC nods] Then I came along. [Wistfully] We were a nice little triad for a while. [Derisively, gesturing at Ivory] Then they came along.

T4: So Future you’re the hinge, right?

[Ivory, FB and CC all look at FF]

T2: [To T] What’s a hinge?

[T4 turns to T and T2] A hinge is a shared partner between two or more people.

T2: Ahh. Thanks.

T4: Future, how would you describe the dynamic in the quad now?

[T2 is about to ask, when T4 turns back again] A four person relationship network.

T2: Got it.

FF: [Another deep sigh] Clearly, it’s not working.

T4: Take me back to the start.

FF: I wasn’t looking to get into a relationship. I’d just come out of a bit of a thing with Biochemistry and Neuroscience that was amazing, but didn’t end on the best terms. Then I started seeing more of CC around. They were so important, so big, so exciting. I wasn’t expecting anything but we hit it off straight away.

CC: [beaming] That’s true. I’ve been with quite a few people - all of them, actually - but Future was different. He was interested in more than just my measurements.

FF: And then FB came along. [FB smiles] I gotta say, I wasn’t really attracted at first. [FB stops smiling]

FB: Fuck you, pal.

FF: Well I’m not your type either.

FB: That’s true.

FF: FB seems to go for more… outdoorsy types. [FB nods] It was a marriage of convenience, let’s put it that way. But over time… I’ve changed my mind. FB is beautiful. Terrifying sometimes. In a more visceral way than CC, who can be quite terrifying too. [CC winks] But yeah, beautiful.

[Everyone except Ivory is smiling]

FF: And there’s something about the combination of CC and FB. They just go together really well. I never would have predicted we’d work out. But here we are. [The three hold hands, leaning across the others. Ivory is looking out the window.]

T4: Did you want to say something, Ivory?

IT: [Crossly] He’s doing fine, let him talk.

FF: Well, I wasn’t looking to get involved again, but Ivory approached me and said they were willing to let FB and CC come along too. To be honest I’m not sure Ivory wasn’t already seeing CC and FB. Anyway, I decided to give it a try. I won’t lie, it was hard at first. I wasn’t used to that kind of freedom. I prefer a bit of structure. But we found a way to make it work. Or so I thought. [FF, IT, CC and FB all hang their heads] Lately it’s been tough.

T2: But you’re willing to do the work?

FF: That’s all I’ve bloody been doing!

T3: She means work on the relationship.

T: Have you tried keepin’ a journal? For some people it helps to organise their thoughts.

FF: I don’t know, I’m not much of a writer.

IT: That’s not true.

[They exchange a warm look]

T4: I hear you’re thinking about bringing someone new into the quad.

CC: What?

FB: Goddamn, not again.

IT: Who is it? It better not be your family, I thought we got rid of them.

FF: It’s Teaching. It’s just an idea, nothing’s happened yet. They said they could help with my job insecurity.

FB: Are you kidding me? And you’re worried about overwork now?

T4: Let Future speak.

CC: What about me?

IT: I’d be very supportive of it.

FB: Of course you would!

[Shouting ensues. CC starts sweating even more, causing FF to slip in a puddle, pushing FB onto Ivory. FF cries out in pain at burning his hands while the side of Ivory starts smouldering. T runs out to get more water and a bird flies into the room. Amidst the pandemonium there is a knock at the door. No one answers. The knocking gets louder and eventually T2 walks up to the door and pokes her head out. A moment later she turns back to the room.]

T2: Future, I think your wife and kids are here.

IT: Future how could you do this to me? Don’t you remember the ultimatum I gave you? It’s me or them!

FF: I never agreed to that!

T4: Are you willing to make the quad - wait, how many kids do you have?

FF: Three.

T4: Sorry, so that’s [counts on hand] an octet. Wow. [To herself] I’ve never worked with an octet before.

[T comes back in and surveys the chaotic scene. He raises his voice] Excuse me! Excuse me! Can I get a little shush? [Everyone is quite. The bird, which appears to be carrying a pencil whose end has caught fire, flies back out the window. It drops the stick on the grass, which begins to burn. T points to a clock on the wall] Our time is up. [The door creaks open. T raises his voice.] Our time is up, I’m sorry! Alright everyone - out!

[They all trickle out, chatting amicably amongst themselves. Only FF is left.]

FF: [To no one in particular] I need a holiday.

T: Have you got anything booked?

FF: No.

T: Well, let’s discuss that next week, shall we?